Human DNA Secrets Uncovered

Subject: The Human Genome.

For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function. The mystery is now finally solved. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the rest of it is comments! Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as follows...

/* HUMAN_DNA.H

*

* Human Genome

* Version 2.1

*

* (C) God

*/

/* Revision history:

*

* 0000-00-01 00:001.0 Adam.

* 0000-00-02 10:001.1 Eve.

* 0000-00-03 02:111.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit messy - will require a rewrite later on to make it neater.

* 0017-03-12 03:141.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from elephant-dna.c

* 0145-10-03 16:331.4 Removed tail.

* 1115-00-31 17:201.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case.

* 2091-08-20 13:561.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine.

* 2501-04-09 14:041.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin colour made darker to match my own image.

* 2909-07-12 02:211.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra 'wisdom' teeth. Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate.

* 4501-12-31 14:181.9 Increase average height.

* 5533-02-12 17:092.0 Added gay option, triggered by high population density, to try and slow the overpopulation problem.

* 6004-11-04 16:112.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre of CD.

*/

/* Standard definitions

*/

#define SEX male

#define HEIGHT 1.84

#define MASS 68

#define RACE caucasian

/* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.

*

* Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper

* inheritance features.

*/

#include "mother.h"

#include "father.h"

#ifndef FATHER

#warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")

#include "bastard.h"

#endif/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables

*/

#include

/* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper library sometime soon.

*/

Construct genitals

{

#ifdef MALE

Penis *jt;

#endif

/* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes

*/

#ifdef FEMALE

Vagina *p;

#endif

}