Monday, March 26, 2012

Family bonds

Spring break started with a hiccup, but of course sister love is something magical. It makes you get over stuff or at least see past it to enjoy each other's company. I know I was pissed that my sister cancelled my Colorado trip, but we talked about it. I am trying to not hold things in and talk about it sooner rather than later. Normally, I stay pissed and people just know that I am pissed and to stay away. I take FOREVER to talk about it. I know that's not healthy and with Jay's help am working on my communication skills.

My sis and I talked about the big elephant in the room, made up and then made plans to hang out. I was going to stop by after Olivia's birthday party. The party was a small get together with family and I'm an honorary family member!! We met at Chuck E. Cheese where kids ran around with excitement and fist full of tokens and raffle tickets.

Santa's newborn slept through all the craziness and we were able to catch up on each other's lives. She made homemade cupcakes that were DELICOUS! They even had Mini Mouse fondue ears and a bow. Too cute!

My goddaughter couldn't get enough of them... but she was a good sport to stop and take a picture.
It was hilarious that her younger sister wanted nothing to do with her b-day crown that Chuck E. Cheese gave her. Naturally, Madison took it. It felt great that when it came to present time and Madison was sad that the gifts were not for her, that her godparents had a gift for her. Her eyes lit up and said in the most adorable voice "*sniff* this is for me????* She held her Little Mermaid doll up and then hugged it. The only thing I remember about my godparents was that they always had presents for me and my sisters. As a kid that means so much, so I learned from them and made sure to bring a gift for Maddy!

The rest of my spring break I spent visiting my sisters and friends. My favorite sister time was when we all went walking on a horse trail that we frequented when we were little. We rotated talking to each other and sharing stories. The weather has been so beautiful lately, so we didn't need to bundle up. There's a part on the trail that the eucalyptus trees smell so fresh and crisp. It brought back so many good memories.

Karla and I also made a trip to my school. She is thinking about joining their fashion design college... I know it's just an idea, but hey that would bring her back to Cali!

As my spring break came to an end I worked a graveyard shift. My mom called and said she wanted to bring me some food. It was late and I was sure places were closed, but took her up on the offer for coffee. I was working until 0600 and could sure use the caffeine. She got to my work around 1130p. She was amazed by all the monitors I have to keep track of and the radio transmission I could understand. We laughed about how we could say so much with just a few codes. She said for a while and we watched some TV. It was nice for her to see me working and to stop by. She said she's a night owl, so would be up anyways, so why not visit her daughter. I felt special! It was a nice treat to my work night.

So now here I am, starting my last quarter at school. Class starts at 1PM. I'm feeling pumped and ready to attack this quarter. I'm taking biology of cancer, botany (with a lab), physic (last of the series with a lab), cell and molecular biology, and some bio class that I am not really sure what it entails.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

She threw me a curve ball and blamed it on life

It's amazing when you talk to people and what they say about you. I'm just being me and it's surprising how much it means to people or how nice it feels when it's put into words. And anyone who knows me, know that I love my family. I try to be there for them as much as possible and in the smallest or largest way.

With my sister Karla that comes with calls, letters and the occasional visit. She has moved around quite a bit because secretly you know that she wants to be in California with her family, but is torn because her husband hates it here and is happier in Colorado. My sister is emotional and a pleaser. I see her struggle with trying to do what she wants to do and with what she feels obligated to do. Ever since her son passed away gosh I want to say 5-6 years ago, it has gotten worst. Of course, everyone went to visit her when Baby Henry passed away, but only then. Besides her in-laws and myself, no one visits other than that time. Karla always tells us to visit her not just when something traumatic happens. I have made it a point to try to visit at least once a year. Not only to visit, but to keep our bond alive. I know it must be hard to live so far away from family and be constraints to only certain visit when time, vacation accrual and money permits.

Yesterday mark the last day of my winter qtr at school. I was supposed to hop on a plane and visit my sister. However, last weekend her high school friend over dosed and passed away and mid week she got a call that the funeral would be this coming Saturday. That would be during the time of my trip to see her. At first my sister wasn't going to come to California because she would just be putting it on credit card, plus I was already set to be in Colorado. She told me that we could remember Lisa by living life and fed me some bull shit because the next day she said she was crying all night and she just feels it in her heart to be here. Really?

Now, I am not one to judge how someone morns, why some deaths hit you harder than others, etc. But hello, I am ALIVE... I am your SISTER... I am visiting you just like you beg the rest of our family! If I die tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, heck probably a year from now (*knock on wood that I don't!*), I am sure she would have regretted her decision and seen the value of spending quality time with someone when they are alive verses choosing someone who passed.

It's not like I make tons of money either that I can eat the cost of my ticket and just buy another anytime. To change my ticket it was going to cost $150, plus the cost of the new ticket. WHAT?And I think what hurts the most is this. In December Jay and I got married. We had mentioned to family that we wanted to get married by the end of the year, but it wasn't set in stone until a week or two before the date in which it occurred. However, my sister didn't jump on a plane and come visit. Heck, I know she spends a lot going to all her other friends weddings and yes sometimes puts it on a credit card. Not that I am expecting it, but it is the truth. Her Cali ticket must've cost around $500, she said she was paying me back for my ticket, so that's another $200. Once you add spending money it will be close to a grand to go to this funeral, yet she couldn't come to my wedding which had similar circumstances: had special value, was somewhat last minute and would've cost around the same or less. Although I wouldn't want her to have done all that for our wedding, I am just comparing the two.

In addition, during this passed week she was venting to me that her in-laws planned a trip to visit her in June and arrive the same day as my graduation. She didn't know what to do and was upset. REALLY??? AGAIN?!?! These are your in-laws... I am sure my brother-in-law can entertain HIS parents for one day. Missing the day the arrive isn't THAT big of a deal. I felt like shit. I get it... I really get it... My life events are a DAMN obligation for her. Then don't bother... really... I want people around me that WANT to be there. Plain and simple. If it's more important to be there when the in-laws arrive, then fine. Don't vent to be about it, just be straight forward a "hey Vanessa, I can't be at your graduation" would be fine. I don't need to know the details. The ceremony will happen either way, I will walk across that stage and I will still be happy!

Unfortunately, my sister is also someone who wants to lick her wounds. She blamed this whole situation on God, got upset at her husband and at me. Then, she started to lick my wounds. I told her once we got off the phone to not bring it up. I didn't want to hear "I'm sorry!" a billion times. It only brings it up and makes me upset. HOWEVER, she didn't get the message and STILL text me super late at night, called me a few times saying exactly that. She said she was boarding the plane and it should've been me. That life throws us curve balls and we have to make the best of it. Sure that's easy to say when you're the one throwing them.

Friday, March 9, 2012

I guess it's what I signed up for

I'm in there. The tunnel and I think I see a light in the not too distant future. Almost 3 years ago I started on this journey to earn my B.S. and I am FINALLY going to get that piece of paper!! This quarter I am taking 22 units of science courses. Yes, 22 units! It has been my hardest quarter yet. Not because of the unit load, but because my teachers have been giving so much work. Seriously, finals are next week and I had 6 quizzes, 2 formal lab reports, and 5 lab write ups due THIS week alone. Next week (yes, that would be during finals week!) I have 3 quizzes due. Who gives quizzes the week of finals week? It has been ridiculous keeping up with all the quizzes (sometimes 2 for 1 class within the same week), homework, papers, lab writes up, presentation, etc. To celebrate the end of this quarter, I am going to visit my sister in Colorado during Spring break. Can't wait!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Babies and sweating

Since late last year to now, I have had 3 friends and 1 co-worker gave birth to a baby, another co-worker is pregnant and my sister is trying to get pregnant. It's crazy how they are all so close together and all different stories. Of course, everyone keeps asking when I plan on having children and for right now I enjoy the quiet time that Jay and I get to share and sleeping in. It is not our time yet to have a little one. However, they are such a joy to VISIT!

Well, the great news about one of my friends giving birth is that I have my old work out buddy back. We have worked out the last two weeks and it has been the motivation I have been missing! She lives at the top of a very steep hill. Prior to her pregnancy, when coming home from work she used to have her husband drop her off at the bottom of the hill and run home. I told her I not only want to see her be able to do it again, but I want to conquer that hill too! It used to take her 10 mins. Can you imagine running up hill for 10 mins?!?! I am in awe of her accomplishment! We have been running a small portion of the hill three times and doing some regular boot camp/calisthenics exercises afterwards. Soon we will be running that hill as a warm up :)

After our first workout, she asked if I want to come over to meet little baby Bruce. Of course I did! I normally let the moms know right away that I am ready to meet the baby when there are ready for house guest... so I was excited that I got to meet him so soon. He was such a good baby and a joy to hold. His 2 older brothers wanted to play with him, but not so rough we kept having to say. Made me think of my little sister who wants 5 boys! She will have her hands full.

The next day I got to meet Santa's little boy, Carlitos. He is about a month younger then lil Bruce and it's amazing the size difference. He laid there peacefully and I was impressed by how both my friends were balacing 2 toddlers/young kids and a newborn. They seemed so happy and peaceful. The most precious thing about these two newborns is that both are named after very special men who passed away within a few months of them being born. It a special honor to be named after great men... I am sure their births have helped the families' wounds heal a little bit.