It's amazing when you talk to people and what they say about you. I'm just being me and it's surprising how much it means to people or how nice it feels when it's put into words. And anyone who knows me, know that I love my family. I try to be there for them as much as possible and in the smallest or largest way.
With my sister Karla that comes with calls, letters and the occasional visit. She has moved around quite a bit because secretly you know that she wants to be in California with her family, but is torn because her husband hates it here and is happier in Colorado. My sister is emotional and a pleaser. I see her struggle with trying to do what she wants to do and with what she feels obligated to do. Ever since her son passed away gosh I want to say 5-6 years ago, it has gotten worst. Of course, everyone went to visit her when Baby Henry passed away, but only then. Besides her in-laws and myself, no one visits other than that time. Karla always tells us to visit her not just when something traumatic happens. I have made it a point to try to visit at least once a year. Not only to visit, but to keep our bond alive. I know it must be hard to live so far away from family and be constraints to only certain visit when time, vacation accrual and money permits.
Yesterday mark the last day of my winter qtr at school. I was supposed to hop on a plane and visit my sister. However, last weekend her high school friend over dosed and passed away and mid week she got a call that the funeral would be this coming Saturday. That would be during the time of my trip to see her. At first my sister wasn't going to come to California because she would just be putting it on credit card, plus I was already set to be in Colorado. She told me that we could remember Lisa by living life and fed me some bull shit because the next day she said she was crying all night and she just feels it in her heart to be here. Really?
Now, I am not one to judge how someone morns, why some deaths hit you harder than others, etc. But hello, I am ALIVE... I am your SISTER... I am visiting you just like you beg the rest of our family! If I die tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, heck probably a year from now (*knock on wood that I don't!*), I am sure she would have regretted her decision and seen the value of spending quality time with someone when they are alive verses choosing someone who passed.
It's not like I make tons of money either that I can eat the cost of my ticket and just buy another anytime. To change my ticket it was going to cost $150, plus the cost of the new ticket. WHAT?And I think what hurts the most is this. In December Jay and I got married. We had mentioned to family that we wanted to get married by the end of the year, but it wasn't set in stone until a week or two before the date in which it occurred. However, my sister didn't jump on a plane and come visit. Heck, I know she spends a lot going to all her other friends weddings and yes sometimes puts it on a credit card. Not that I am expecting it, but it is the truth. Her Cali ticket must've cost around $500, she said she was paying me back for my ticket, so that's another $200. Once you add spending money it will be close to a grand to go to this funeral, yet she couldn't come to my wedding which had similar circumstances: had special value, was somewhat last minute and would've cost around the same or less. Although I wouldn't want her to have done all that for our wedding, I am just comparing the two.
In addition, during this passed week she was venting to me that her in-laws planned a trip to visit her in June and arrive the same day as my graduation. She didn't know what to do and was upset. REALLY??? AGAIN?!?! These are your in-laws... I am sure my brother-in-law can entertain HIS parents for one day. Missing the day the arrive isn't THAT big of a deal. I felt like shit. I get it... I really get it... My life events are a DAMN obligation for her. Then don't bother... really... I want people around me that WANT to be there. Plain and simple. If it's more important to be there when the in-laws arrive, then fine. Don't vent to be about it, just be straight forward a "hey Vanessa, I can't be at your graduation" would be fine. I don't need to know the details. The ceremony will happen either way, I will walk across that stage and I will still be happy!
Unfortunately, my sister is also someone who wants to lick her wounds. She blamed this whole situation on God, got upset at her husband and at me. Then, she started to lick my wounds. I told her once we got off the phone to not bring it up. I didn't want to hear "I'm sorry!" a billion times. It only brings it up and makes me upset. HOWEVER, she didn't get the message and STILL text me super late at night, called me a few times saying exactly that. She said she was boarding the plane and it should've been me. That life throws us curve balls and we have to make the best of it. Sure that's easy to say when you're the one throwing them.