Friday, May 27, 2011

Challenging cervix

Yesterday marks a day of perseverance. Last December Jay and I decided to find a different method of birth control. I had been on the pill for 4 years and every time I went in to get my thyroid blood work checked out my T4 levels would be high. The doctors said it could be due to the pill and even though they were not concerned, I was. I struggled with the decision to stop taking the pill because let's face it, condoms are not the funnest alternative. I did some research on non-hormonal BC and found Paraguard. It's a copper mechanism that the insert inside you and is good for 10-12 years. My sister has used it and has had no unplanned pregnancies, so I called a local clinic a few months ago and go the ball rolling.

... and then hiccup after hiccup occurred.

1st"hiccup" - I was honest at the first appointment and told them that Jay and I had unprotected sex. We had gotten the morning after pill right away but the clinic didn't want to take any chances so I had to reschedule no earlier then 2 weeks and next time they wanted me to be on my period. WHAT?!?! Ew! I guess the cervix is more open during that time. Honestly, the last place I want some in that area is during that time of the month. But what ever...

2nd hiccup was with appointment #2. The unsuccessful procedure was painful. I don't know what it is about female P.A.'s but they are not as gentle as male P.A.'s!!! After signing all the waivers this lady tried to open my cervix up and no go :( So strike two it was. I would have to take some medication to dilate me and would have to wait for my period to come around again. Annoying! It's like all the stars have to align just right. With doc appointments being what they are, I would have to pray that I was lucky enough to have everything work out.

hiccup #3 - I had called the call center to make an appointment and tell them I had lost the prescription . They made the appointment anyways and told me to go in anyways. This time I had 2 different ladies try. It's bad enough that I was now visiting the clinic for a 3rd time, but having all these instruments in me, being poked etc isn't fun! I really thought it wasn't for me at this point. We would just have to settle for me going back on the pill or condoms. By the way, Jay also mentions I am a happier person and my ol' self no that I am off it. So I guess the pill isn't really an option... so it would have to be condoms. ICK!

And then came my 4th appointment where I was told my cervix was challenging. The 2 PA's that helped me during my 3rd visit where there. I was on my period (I know... TMI!) and this time had taken the medication that's supposed to dilate me, but STILL my stuff was tight and they couldn't get it to open. After many tries and being repositioned they called over to surgery and asked for different instruments - A steel dilator. WHAT in god's name is that? All I could think was a big metal instrument was going to be poking around doing god know what. A 3rd lady came in and told me she was a cervix expert and would be trying to get this device in me. Mind you by this time I had my legs up for like 30 minutes and I was in an akward poistion. My legs were a lil shaky from me tensing up too. I don't know how women go through delivery for hours with there legs up, your stuff out there in the open for everyone to see and all these medical professionals around. There were 3 and at time 4 people in the room. Seriously? They joke about it being a party... haha... NOT FUNNY! I heard the 3rd lady ask for a "block" and when the PA return with this "block" it was 2 HUGE syringes... they were going to give me a numbing shot in my cervix HOLY CRAP!! I kept saying it wasn't meant to be but this 3rd lady was determined. She used a smaller clamp to kept me open so she could, as she explained it, "pull my cervix forward." So after many tools, people watching/assisting, a freaking shot, they finally got the device in. It was well over an hour at this point. I am a wuss... and I am not afraid to say it. I felt light head after and felt like throwing up. It was so traumatic. This reconfirms my beliefs that I am not meant for child labor. Adopting seems like a better route if I ever want kids. The way I look at it, if I can barely go through a 1 hour challenging procedure like this, how could I make it though HOURS of child labor. Clearly... this is the whole reason I was in the clinic in the first place, to prevent a lil one for forming :)

On the plus side... all these visits were free :) YAY! Another plus is that I don't have to do this for another 10-12 years double YAY!!!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Decisions, decisions

So becoming a vet it is no longer "the plan." Let me start off by starting I am at peace with the decision and let me tell you why.

Originally I had wanted to join the Army, so they could pay for my schooling plus I would have a job right after I graduate from vet school. Not only that but I would not have to worry about additional training (as they would provide that) and insurance, etc. I had even though of making military life a career. I thought about retiring and being set for life with medical benefits. If I didn't get the required GPA to enter vet school (as I had worried about in previous post) Plan "B" was to get a M.S. at the vet school I wanted to go to. It is a year long program and if you get B's or better in all your classes, then you automatically get accepted into their vet program. So in my perfect world, I would be accepted into the Army, I would get accepted into the M.S. program and get B's or better and go to vet school.

But there was so math I was doing in the back of my mind. Well, besides financial budgeting. When I graduate with my B.S. I will be 31. I would graduate with my M.S. when I am 32. Vet school is a 4-year program, so I would be a whooping 36 when all is said and done. Not the end of the world, but there were a few hiccups, issues, thoughts, concerns... you get my drift.

1. There is a significant other I have to consider. Would our relationship last with me being deployed or station away? This wasn't what he signed up for when we got together. It's a lot to ask of anyone and it's not like Jay would just follow me. I understand he has Jayla to think about and can just leave his job etc.

2. What if... I change my mind and want to have kids. How would that work out? I can't have a kid right after graduating... I will be going through boot camp and being shipped off. And even if I funded school, then I would be starting a business or joining a medical group. I would have to wait at least a year to be protect under family medical leave act for job protection. Good lord... I would be having a kid at nearly 40!

3. Funding was the next thing that made the list. I had always thought I would pay for school on the government's dime. But if I didn't join the Army, then I would have to take out loans. ICK! I already have school loans and don't like thinking about having to pay them back. I can't imagine medical school loans.

4. Money while in school... so I wouldn't be able to work for 5 years if I did both the M.S. and M.D. route, which means Jay would be the only source of income for our household. Another thing he did not sign up for. Plus, it's not like I am in my late teens or early 20's living at my parent's house. I am a grown women who has bills, mortgage, etc. I don't come from a rich family and can live of a trust fund. I am just regular me... no scholarships, lotto $, or family royalties to bank on.

So Jay and I came to a pretty good compromise. He is helping out A LOT while I am getting my B.S. Since I am about a year away from graduating, we thought I might as well finish. Right after I will sign up for an online A.S. program that requires two 9 week internships. What is the A.S. program in you ask? Registered Vet Tech... basically a animal nurse. I will still get to work with animals in the medical field, be able to do research, not go more into additional school debt and if Jay and I want to start a family then we can move forward with that.

I think it is a good plan. I really appreciate Jay being honest with his feelings, but not making me think that he wouldn't support my decision if I decided to go the vet school route. He was being realistic about the whole thing. We are being a flexible couple with each other's goals and dreams and I think this was us growing and learning to understand each other.

In the end I will still have a loving and wonderful guy at my side who isn't going crazy thinking about me being deployed or about piling debt and I will also get to work with animals. Win-win!

Friday, May 20, 2011


Wow... it's been a year since I posted. I remember times where I would think about posting some random thoughts or cool events in my life and then weeks would go by and I never made time for it. Then, I got busy just living life. Sometimes recording life in writing takes so much energy(for me anyways), but I must say there is a bright side to posting -- it is great way to go back and relive special moments.

A year a go Jay and I were on rocky ground, school was overwhelming, I had started a new job and was going through some very long 10hr days of training with evenings filled with summer school. Since then somethings are the same and others have changed. I am still overwhelmed by school. CA is having some major budget cuts and since the younger generations in general does not vote, politician seem to think cutting back on education is a fix to $ problems. So with that being said classes are being offered less and less. I want to graduate already and not being able to get into classes really sucks!!! So I loaded up this quarter because some classes (which are prereqs for others that I need) will not be offered for another YEAR! I know... INSANELY stupid!!! This quarter I am taking 17 units, plus was taking a California mandatory 120hr class in the evening and some Saturdays for work that thankfully has ended. I am crossing my fingers that I pass my classes. I felt like this quarter I was always playing catch up.

Things between Jay and I are better than ever! The break up was an emotional, draining, frustrating and confusing thing to go through, but it really helped us out. There was all these little things that weren't being communicated that became one HUGE ugly monster and some not so little things that really needed to be addressed. We chipped away at issues and committed to working it out. I am so happy we did! We are a lot more open with each other and I am learning to not take things so seriously. Life is to short and I am going to make it shorter if I stress out so much! Jay has really helped me relax more and laugh at things instead of getting butt hurt and all EMO. I am not saying I am 100% cured of my ways... and a part of that anal retentive personality it who I am. But I have loosened up.

My research work is trickling in, but I think that will end soon. I am still working at the PD, but very part time.

So a quick update:
- Today Jay and I celebrate 2 years of officially becoming homeowners. YAY!
- In about 13-14 weeks, we will be heading off to JAMAICA! So excited!! It will be a mini vacay to celebrate the wedding of Jay's BF.
- I did the math and *if* I take 17 unites for Fall, Winter and Spring qtr... I will be graduating next Spring :)
-I signed up for a full marathon. Haven't told the world yet. Only Jay and my oldest sis know (and now anyone who reads this blog will know too)
- Career goal changed... no longer plan to go to vet school, but will still work with animals. Planning on becoming a RVT (animal nurse). That deserves a post. Since I am working a 12 hour grave shift tonight, I might post about that decision later.
- And finally... it's crazy but 5 years of my daddy passing is coming up. How time flies! Now I understand when people say "it feels like it was just yesterday..." I can relive that time period in my mind with such detail. Strange how the mind works. I am thinking of getting a tattoo of a hummingbird towards the end of this year in remembrance of him. I've been wanting to get it for sometime, but just haven't gotten around to it.

.... and that folks is what we call a wrap!