Friday, April 20, 2007

Exiting the Roller Coaster

Today was supposed to mark my final day of my detox, but that didn’t goes as planned. Last Saturday I started to feel a little under the weather and Tuesday it hit me full force. I called in sick at work and slept the day away and that’s the day I got off the detox to enjoy some soup and over-the-counter drugs.

Hind sight, it might have not been the best time to start. At first I thought it would be a great time to start because it would help me look great for roommie’s b-day, jump start my work out routine and help me be more Zen. If I only knew that all hell would break loose, I so would have waited!

Roommie and I have been on this love hate roller coaster. I see that we are both really hurt right now and are hurting each other.

He is house-sitting for a client of his for a week and will be back at the end of the week to pick up all his stuff. YEAH! I am so relieved. It’s been over 3 months since we broke up and what an emotional roller coaster this has been.

Today another mini roller coaster came my way. Sensei-T said he could not longer be my martial art instructor if I ever thought he liked me or thought he hit on me.

To give you a little back ground. Sensei-T was Roommie high school track coach, martial art instructor and best friend for the last 12 years. When I enlisted in the military I need to learn how to do push ups and I hired a trainer at 24Hour Fitness and was assigned to Sensei-T and he introduced Roommie and I. Well, after a couple months Roommie and Sensei-T had a falling out and I was in the middle of it. Sensei-T was also having other drama in his life; his live in girlfriend of 8 years and him were breaking up. Sensei –T had called me one day and said at the end of his message that he loved me. Since he is not sensitive type of person, I took as he was hitting on me. Plus, I had never heard him tell his two step daughters or his girl friend of 8 years that he loved them. Like I said, that was just not in his character. Well, last night at work Roommie and Sensei-T get into a verbal fight (btw, they work together) and roommie brings up the past. Sensei-T thought I was still thinking that he liked me and said he couldn’t be my sensei anymore. I felt so helpless. I totally respect his decision, but was upset that this was all going down this way. Before the chatting was done he said he just need some time to pass and then we can resume training.

If only I wasn’t sick, I would so go dancing tonight to blow off some steam. Heck, I might just take some over the outer stuff and just go. And if I feel bad at the club, I’ll just drink a Hot Toddie.


Anonymous said...

You better be at home recooping! You should never drink when you're 1.) in a bad place emotionally, and 2.) when you're sick. Alcohol affects you very strongly and negatively those times, and you're in no mood to give a crap about how much or little you oughta be drinking. Plus, the whole "killing germs by drowning them in ingested alcohol" is a fallacy; it just drops your immune defense more.

Sometimes guys (and girls) have an easier time telling someone platonic "I love you, man" cuz it isn't as loaded of a statement; you just say it to let them know. But sometimes girls (and girls) are afraid to say it to someone they're involved w/cuz they don't want it to turn into a, "You love me? What does that mean? Do you wanna get married now? Are you ready for a bigger commitment? Do you wanna have kids? Where is this headed?" and then the demands all start going up. And sometimes these guys (or girls) don't want to start something, like false hope, if they're not totally sure about the person, relationship or where it's headed.

Vanessa said...

I didn't stay home... I went out and had a blast and woke up the next morning feeling like a million bucks! I think I really need to go out, have a good time, sweat out all the crap... and ride the rush of endorphins

Anonymous said...

Hope you are feeling better...guys and girls...ahhhhh the mystery!!

Vanessa said...

I am feeling a lot better! I still am coughing, tho...but will continue to hang out in the steam room until I feel better

Anonymous said...

He said that he cant be your Sensi????? Why?? did he mention anything or he said that something had to pass?

Vanessa said...

Girl, it's a long story but he's being retarded and I think he is punishing me. We got to hook up soon and I can get you all caught up.