Thursday, March 22, 2007

The claws come out

I sent out a notification to all my email contacts letting them know that I have a new email account. And one of my sensei’s (I have 3), I’ll call him sensei – R, crossed the line a little bit and after being called out on it never apologize.

This is my conversation with him:

Sensei - R: (my new screen name)? Just when i thought you couldn't be any more sexy.

Me: You are the second person who has told me that that name is sexy! I don't get it..but thank you! :)

Sensei - R: If any other person tried to use that name, it wouldnt be as sexy. but with you, I picture you in a (screen name) leotard.... oh wait.... maybe i should keep that to myself.... lol

Me: Yeah, I would agree that those things need to stay in your head! Especially since you are my sensei AND have a girl friend.

I haven’t heard from him since. I really want to email him and tell that I at least expected an apology, because that would be the honorable thing to do and to remove me from the class website and email roster. Roomie and one of my co-workers say I should so do it. What are your thoughts?

And my other sensei (his father) emailed me asking when he will be seeing me in class again. I so feel like saying, “NEVER! Because I don’t train with men that lack integrity, honor and hit on their students and since your son is in your class, you won’t be seeing me anymore!” But I realize that is crossing the line, so I won’t do that. But man does it feel good to write it!


Anonymous said...

I'd leave it alone. The fact that you called him out on it was likely alarming enough for him. I'm sure he'll think twice before even considering writing stuff like that to his students again. He's probably freaking out right now thinking his girlfriend's gonna find out from you. Just let him self-torture. Sometimes it's not about "revenge" as much as just effectively getting the point across and having the problem already resolved with minimum blood on your hands.

I think you should clarify that this Sensei is not the one you'd previously written about who's having the girlfriend problems.

Anonymous said...

You told him to keep those thoughts to himself. See if he honors your request.

Jane Doe said...

Good point, Cindy. I have 3 senseis. The one I am talking about here is the beginner jujitsu one (sensei-R). The adv jujitsu sensei (sensei-C) is his dad and the one on my previous blogs is my sensei & friend (and he'll be called sensei-T).

I am on the fence to email sensei-R because he is a martial art instructor and a HUGE part of martial arts is HONOR & RESPECT. So now I have two for sending the email and two for no. I need more feed back. I tried to ask sensei-T yesterday, but he ignores the question and started to vent. Arrgg! I guess I'll have to catch him in person tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

I think you should consider (1) the possible ramifications of your email, (2) whether your problem is resolved or not and if not, whether it's resolvable with this email, and (3) whether you're more likely to regret sending vs. not sending the email.

(1) Let's say you send the email. Sensei-R and girlfriend have a big fight and break up. People in class hear and everyone has an opinion, and now you're caught up in this drama. People are gonna judge whether you overreacted or not. Sensei-C gets wind and it's all uncomfortable for everyone now. I don't know whether the jujitsu school/organization has punitive measures for this, but if so, Sensei-R may no longer be allowed to teach, and now the beginner class has no instructor. This school dries up in this branch. And maybe the administration of the facility they teach at get wind of a student complaint about impropriety from an instructor. Maybe they say they don't want to let the jujitsu organization use their facility at all, to prevent a lawsuit. And all that because he expressed his opinion that he thought you're sexy. (2) And he already got the warning and stopped the innappropriate emailing with you anyway, so emailing him again was unnecessary to get the same desired effect. (3) If you didn't send the email, you would've gotten the same effect, i.e. he stopped sending inappropriate things to you and likely to other people, so would you regret sending an additional not-leaving-well-enough-alone email more, or regret NOT sending it more?

The reason I feel this way is primarily because of #2, cuz he stopped. If he kept going with you or sent back something totally rude, I'd say then you need to nip it in the bud and send another email or contact the proper people if you're that bothered by it. But you appear to have ALREADY nipped it in the bud.

Anonymous said...

P.S. Of COURSE your roommie would say to report him. Your roommie is your ex-fiance, he's still prone to fits of jealousy, and he doesn't want a guy hitting on you. So consider the source.

Jane Doe said...

You know, Cindy? I like the way you put that. I didn't think of the possibility of it going that far, but it is a possibility. I think I won't send the email and just pretend he apologized :)

Ano the Blogger said...

Well you already know my opinion, but I'll leave my thoughts here so everyone else can analyze.

The only reason I could see why you should do this is if you see this person on a daily basis and everytime you see them it bothers you. OR, if you cared about this person and wanted to make things right.

Since you haven't seen this sensei, and never really intend to -- then you need to consider what benefit you get out of doing it.

The only thing at this point would be to verify that he got the message that you originally sent. And some self satisfaction that you may have prevented him from doing it to other people.

Of course, someones behavior won't change easily based on external influence. So unless you can convince him to want to change on his own (its very hard to) -- then more than likely your confrontation will have little to no actual effect on him.

I.e., there is very little upside to doing it. Unless you felt very strongly about preventing him from doing it to others and really need to try again. But as Cindy says -- is that really worth the trouble that can be brought up?

Anonymous said...

I brought this up to the boyfriend at the gym at lunch (whilst warming up next to him on the elliptical trainer). His take: "Why's she want to take it that far? He didn't DO anything, and he's a nice guy! AND, she wasn't even his student anymore when the email went on, so he's not really her sensei!" So now you have Flat Coke, me, James, AND Mr. W telling you that you've done what you need to effectively already, no need to go overboard.

Even in legal self-defense, the self-defense stops when the threat is neutralized. If you neutralize the threat (i.e. he stops attacking) AND you still keep kicking and punching and smacking, YOU'RE now the assailant and subject to prosecution.

Jane Doe said...

I am not going to take it that far. I have had sense kicked into me. Sensei-T, Roommie and co-worker were all for it and then a good voices of reason (blog readers) gave me other insight. Thanks everyone!

Anonymous said...

Speaking of voices of reason, today I went with Mr. W and his daughter to a singing competition (daughter was competing). Before they announced the winners, one of the founders of the program said that a person's voice matures around age 30, and he started referring to the voice of age 30-35 as "the mature voice." I turned to Mr. W and said, "Oh, is THAT why I'm the voice of reason this year for my friends?" Since I turned 30 this year. And 30 = mature voice. Okay, you had to be there.

Jane Doe said...

I love random facts like this!!! And it make sense... you turning 30 and helping us out with GREAT advice. I would have made a fool of myself, had I gone on with it.

Thanks again!

Anonymous said...

I'm just happy you're open-minded and deal with other people's criticisms well. That you don't go, "If you're not with me, then you're against me!" and shut us out.

Anonymous said...

Who is Rommie?
What a sensi?

I know there was a fight in there some where!
Man!!! I am slow!!

Get'em Nessa!
Never let a dumb butt talk to you like that!

But if he said sorry
It would be all better!!!!

Stupid GAY guy!!

Jane Doe said...

Jess you crack me up, girl! Roommie is my ex, who is living with me. I don't want his name on the blog, so I gave him a nickname the nickname "roommie." Sensei is a martial arts instructor.