Yesterday mark year #2 of my Father’s passing. All day I was feeling super anxious, my tummy was upset and I felt like I wanted to toss my cookies. Maybe it was because I didn’t sleep well the night before (we don’t have A/C and it was hella hot here), or could it be because my Statistics midterm was later on that evening or simply that it was the anniversary of my Dad’s death, which feels so weird typing the words!
Half way through the day I decided I wasn’t going to stop by the beach and drop off roses as I do for Father’s Day, his b-day and this day. I think a part of me didn’t want to face that another year had passed by. There's not a day that passes that something doesn’t remind me of him or a memory flashes by. This year it just seemed harder then last year. But I changed my mind and glad I did!
After class... yup, that Statistic class where the A/C is still not working and we just happen to be having our summer heat wave… I went to the beach. I stopped to get some roses for him. When he was alive, he had some rose bushes at his house that he used to pick roses from and leave them by my room. Sometimes he would make me a fresh juice in the morning and leave it on the fireplace mantel with some roses. When I got to the store I already knew I wanted to get him roses, especially the red and yellow colored ones and what do you know? There was one of those bouquets of roses left.
I made it to Balboa pier and it was packed. On this summer day there were tons of people fishing on the pier and coming from the Ruby’s restaurant at the end of the pier. There were even some people in the water. It did look refreshing!
I walked the pier and looked for a spot that didn’t have tons of fishermen and was private. I found the perfect spot. I have this thing I do when I go and drop off flowers at the beach for my Dad. With each flower/rose I drop into the ocean, I recall a fond memory I had with him or thank him for something. Yesterday, I thanked him for some important life lessons he taught me. Afterwards I walked the pier and watched people get excited over the fish they caught. This one girl was holding up her fishing rod with the tiniest fish, but she proudly gave the biggest, cheesiest grin as she posed with her catch for a picture.
Last year I remember asking my Dad for signs that he was there, but this yearI sat on a bench (the one that Jessy and I sat at for his b-day) and told him that I didn’t need one this year, cuz I knew he was there with me. I stared out at the ocean and sky and witnessed a shooting start. WOW! It as if he wanted to say hi!