Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Dust from under the rug
Okay… so I wasn’t always perfect. My current memories of high school are filled with the sports, livestock and leadership teams I was on and traveling with the agriculture dept, going to classes in the evening to get ahead, learning to drive and being in honor classes. But there was a window in my high school career that I must have brushed under the rug and now it has reappeared. I was going through my Dad’s stuff and there in plain sight were my mid-quarter grades. ALL F’s and a note stating “student has outstanding fines call…” What happen to the honor student that I recalled? I had 19 absences in zero period alone. The memories came back of a time that I was very unhappy. My grandmother had just passed away from lung cancer, I was super depressed, would basically coming home from school, sitting on the couch to vegg, sleep and eat. I had just battled walking pneumonia from around Thanksgiving time to around New Years and was behind in all my classes. I tried to keep up but remember my honors English teacher saying I had missed too much already, the class had taken 4 spelling test (he was trying to teach us 1000 words before the year was through) and two books were read. I had to be taken out of all my honors classes. Talk about an ego killer! I was having problems with my boyfriend and basically thought I would stick it out with him, get married, have a couple of kids and get divorce. My plans were just to settle verses getting the good life I deserved. I gained tons of weight and didn’t have a care in the world. What’s worst is I didn’t know how to ask for any. I remember making appointments with my family doctor so I could talk to him. On one visit my Mom had called him and just happen to leave him a message while I was there. She wanted to know why I was making so many visits to him and his assistant brought the message in since I was there. He hugged me and told me he wasn’t going to call my mom back. I stopped going to him for talks and confronted my mom. I needed an outlet and I couldn’t find one that was comfortable for me. My parents were worried and didn’t know what to do with me. What do you do with a kid that is not motivated and doesn’t have a care in the world? I wonder why my Dad kept only this one report card. My first reaction was to shred it ASAP so there was not a record of it. I felt so ashamed. But then I decided to keep it for a little while. I guess as a reminder of a touch period in my life that I didn't give up and made it somehow. Life it's isn't perfect and when life kicks you down, you just have to get up, shake the dirt off and move forward.