Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Dust from under the rug

Okay… so I wasn’t always perfect. My current memories of high school are filled with the sports, livestock and leadership teams I was on and traveling with the agriculture dept, going to classes in the evening to get ahead, learning to drive and being in honor classes. But there was a window in my high school career that I must have brushed under the rug and now it has reappeared. I was going through my Dad’s stuff and there in plain sight were my mid-quarter grades. ALL F’s and a note stating “student has outstanding fines call…” What happen to the honor student that I recalled? I had 19 absences in zero period alone. The memories came back of a time that I was very unhappy. My grandmother had just passed away from lung cancer, I was super depressed, would basically coming home from school, sitting on the couch to vegg, sleep and eat. I had just battled walking pneumonia from around Thanksgiving time to around New Years and was behind in all my classes. I tried to keep up but remember my honors English teacher saying I had missed too much already, the class had taken 4 spelling test (he was trying to teach us 1000 words before the year was through) and two books were read. I had to be taken out of all my honors classes. Talk about an ego killer! I was having problems with my boyfriend and basically thought I would stick it out with him, get married, have a couple of kids and get divorce. My plans were just to settle verses getting the good life I deserved. I gained tons of weight and didn’t have a care in the world. What’s worst is I didn’t know how to ask for any. I remember making appointments with my family doctor so I could talk to him. On one visit my Mom had called him and just happen to leave him a message while I was there. She wanted to know why I was making so many visits to him and his assistant brought the message in since I was there. He hugged me and told me he wasn’t going to call my mom back. I stopped going to him for talks and confronted my mom. I needed an outlet and I couldn’t find one that was comfortable for me. My parents were worried and didn’t know what to do with me. What do you do with a kid that is not motivated and doesn’t have a care in the world? I wonder why my Dad kept only this one report card. My first reaction was to shred it ASAP so there was not a record of it. I felt so ashamed. But then I decided to keep it for a little while. I guess as a reminder of a touch period in my life that I didn't give up and made it somehow. Life it's isn't perfect and when life kicks you down, you just have to get up, shake the dirt off and move forward.


cindy said...

That card is just a marker for the lowest point you will EVER get in this life, and the date tells you that you are far, far past that low point and will never be there again. The important thing is that you learned from it, moved on, and could look back and assess it honestly so you know how to avoid reacting that way again. Besides, I doubt people around you in your life now will let that happen to you a second time. Look at all the adversity you've been through since, and you did REALLY WELL! Remember you were never alone.

Jane Doe said...

It was weird that he had it radmonly in some box with government contracts that he must have been working on during the time.

Yup, it was a low point that is VERY FAR away from the life I have now. I'm so glad that I got thru it. I showed Jay that night and it said we are NEVER throwing it away. LOL