Thursday, August 27, 2009

September 24th is the big day

September 24th marks a very important, exciting, scary day for me. It's the first day of school at Cal Poly Pomona.

I know it's important because it will be the start of a new chapter. It will bring me closer to my goal and better our future.

It's exciting because this is what I've talked about for what seems like FOREVER! I've been waiting for this moment ever since the day I talked with my counselor back in 2000 and learned that one of my future school was going to be Cal Poly Pomona. Right after I called my Dad to tell him that I would be going to his almamator. I took a break from school here and there, but received my AA last year and now it's time for that VERY big step.

One of the major things I am worried about is money of course! I will be leaving a cush job to at this moment nothing. I am going to start sending out my resume and once Jayla leaves on Tuesday, I will start actively looking for a part-time job on the weekends. Maybe at a vet clinic or as a waitress or even find a job on campus. I know I will be taking a pay cut of at least $15/hour. SCARY!!! But that's reality. I took out a loan to off-set the loss of income and pay for tuition fees for the next 3 quarters and my half of the mortgage for approximately 9 months, so I am kinda okay. I have some money saved, but nothing like a few years ago when I would freak out if I had anything less then $10K in my savings account. Also, once I quit and my income is reduced I might qualify for financial aid.

My pride might suffer a little bit too. I'm used to being able to pay for things. I don't think I have ever been the "broke" one and I've been on the other side where someone tells me they can't get me a gift for my b-dayChristmas or can't go out because they can't afford it. I have always been totally fine with it, but it's easier being on that side verses the broke side. I feel like I want to stock up on possible gifts for my family for their b-day or Christmas, but know that it not the smart thing to do with my money right now. I have stocked up on lotions, tampons, etc tho.

I keep doubting if this is the "right" and/or "smart" move/decision. Maybe I'm doubting myself because it would be the easy route to say "hey, forget school and stay comfortable." Plus, the unknown isn't "safe." I worry about paying my bills, being able to afford books, gas, food, car maintenance, etc. It's not like when I was straight out of high school and could count on living at my Dad's rent free or know that I could ask him for school money. I'm grown up and have bills and a mortgage. Plus, we are in a recession!!! Finding jobs are not easy to come by like they used to. Ya know?

I am SO worried that I actually had a dream that I needed mortgage money and became an escort and sold myself. WTH??? I was pissed when I woke up because I only sold myself for $500.00. I would like to think I would at least ask for an amount in the thousands. Haha.

In addition, I haven't gave my notice. During my time here at work my boss would let me leave 30 minutes early to make it to class some semesters and just asked that I give him enough notice when it was time for me to leave. Right now I am at less then a month and still haven't told him.

It does seem like whenever I am doubting myself people randomly ask me about school, how's it going, what I want to do and then cheer me on. At work I can't remember ever talking to some of these people about school, but all of a sudden they ask. Maybe it's a sign.

Then I recall a very important talk I had with my old boss who said you could always find a high paying job, but you can't always go back and get your education.

Also, my sisters have rallied up in support, too! My little sister asked me if I needed anything for school. I said $ for books or a gift card to the bookstore. The very next day I got a card of encouragement from my oldest sister and a gift card to Barnes and Noble. Koinkidink? I think not.

So that is where I am right now. Frighten to death almost so to the point that I can't move forward. I guess no one ever said life was going to be easy. I hope I look back at this moment some day and say it was one of the best moves I ever made.


cindy said...

You're so close to being on that yellow brick road! Don't sidestep to play in the dandelions! If you do, I can honestly see you, 10 years down the line, looking back and REGRETTING not gritting your teeth and getting through this. I know you won't look back and regret GOING to school. There will always be a way to pay for the things you need, don't let the fear that MAYBE money would be tight keep you from DEFINITELY reaching your dreams!

Now's a great time to take risks that force you to tighten your belt. You've got a great backbone in Jay, just as he supports you in spirit, I'm sure he'll support you physically if you need it. And you have friends and family! You think we'll all let you starve? No freaking way. Don't give up on yourself before we've given up on you.

Or I'll go down there and kick your ass. (Maybe if encouragement doesn't get you motivated, threats will. haha)

As for giving your notice, you're thinking of it as a bad thing, which is why you're procrastinating. You're thinking you're letting people at work down or you're abandoning them. That's not the way to think of it or present it. They all knew you were temporary because you are on your way to bigger and better things. When you give notice, it should be on the note of, "I have some very exciting news I want to share with you. You know about my dream of becoming a vet. I was accepted to Cal Poly and will begin this coming fall quarter. Thank you so much for supporting me and giving me such a wonderful work environment for the past x years; I will train my replacement fully before I leave." And leave a chocolate bar on everyone's desk as a thank-you. (And as a sabotage for the competition.)

Jane Doe said...

Cindy you are such a good friend and know how to put things. I do think I would regret not quitting my job and missing out in school. I love your motivation and threats!!! I do recall you had a strong core in jujitsu and it was hard pushing you over during those drills on the mat where you had to sit on you legs and only use your arms. I could see you showing up to my work and saying "don't make me throw you!!!"

I like the way you put my notice approach. I feel more at ease about having to tell my boss and the 2 other VP's I support.

cindy said...

Are you kidding?! You ALWAYS kicked my ass in ronduri or however they spell it. I didn't have skin on my knuckles for days! Uh, but that doesn't mean I can't make good on my threat. :)

Good luck!