My skinny Jeans

Today is causal Friday and when I put on my jeans I didn't have to do the squeeze into my jeans dance that I used to to squeeze myself into them. YAY! I'm getting slimmer! I'm on week 3 of this diet and last time I weighed myself I was 10lbs lighter. I think I will keep on it through June and then get off, whether or not I hit my goal and just workout and watch what I eat from there on out. I am so happy that stuff is actually fitting. It's a great feeling to have your pant fabric move back in forth as you walk verse it hugging the skin.
Wednesday night was Jayla's last night in CA and the next morning she would hit the road with her Mom and grandparents to AZ. It was such a sinking feeling to know that, plus we had spent the night at Jay's which was so empty. It just added to the sad vibe of the night. I made it to Jay's before the two arrived, so I ate dinner and put on the idiot box to entertain myself. They came in after 9PM with Jayla happily repeating that they went to the park. They must have had a blast because the entire night see would be thinking and then say "Nessas? We went park!" It was adorable. After the nightly routine we got to stay up and watch Alvin and Chipmunks.

Luckily she will be back in CA for summers with Daddy on June 10th. Since Jay works on Sundays, I will be watching her and I have a few things planned already. A must do is swimming and I got the lil tike a Strawberry Shortcake bathing suit. She looked too cute with it on and kept touching the fabric while looking at herself in the mirror with amazement. I can't wait to hit the pool with her. I remember loving it when I was a kid, plus I will get a tan while we are out there, too. Which I desperately need!

I caught her pouting because she wanted to watch Alvin and Chipmunks on the floor and was denied!

I got news that my oldest sister is having surgery on Monday. She has a Dermoid Cyst in her ovary that is the size of a grapefruit! She will be out of commission for 4-6 weeks! Crazy! I hope I don't get put out of commission for that long. I wish I could be there, but I am already taking off time today for my Mom's graduation and next week for my doc appointments and that evening is the first night of summer school Statistics & Probability class, If you miss the first day, you get dropped from the class. I am sure she will understand and it's not like she will be alone. She will have my Mom, her two daugthers, husband and friends there, so maybe it's good that I don't see her until the next day when there is less people.

Grad Celebration!

It’s been a crazy week, but I am enjoying keeping myself busy. Jay is almost completely moved in and things are finding its place. We have had some funny moments taking stuff to my sister’s house and Salvation Army at wee hours of the night, Jay making a racket and me thinking the cops were going to come and arrest us for dumping.

Friday night was my graduation celebration at Tapas.

(Me, Cindy and Mr. W)

It’s a cute restaurant with a Spanish feeling to it. The walls are colored brightly and articles and painting of Spain are found through out. There are even Flamenco dresses up on the wall. My sister and some girls from her Flamenco school were performing that night, too, which added to the Spanish feeling.

(Me and my sister, Sharon, who was one of the performers)

Cindy and Mr. W, my aunt, cousin, sisters, nieces, Jay and Jayla and my Mom all came out to join in on the festivities! It’s funny that almost everyone I greeted commented something along the lines that they didn’t know it was a causal dinner, because I was in my puma shoes, black pants, a fitted t-shirt and track jacket. Honestly, I had a wardrobe malfunction that evening. Two to me exact. I was planning on wearing a white, Spanish looking, halter-top dress, but with the rain I didn’t want to be giving everyone a show or be freezing, so I went with plan B. Of course, I didn’t try on plan B at my house and just put it in my overnight bag. It was a cute light blue sweater that my sis gave me, which was COMPLETELY see through and let’s face it, my family doesn’t want to see my goods. Since I was at Jay’s and had no other clothes, I went in my PJ shirt and causal clothes.

(Me, my bro-in-law and Messy Jessy)

Dinner was great and it had that homey feeling to it, like the feeling of Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner (not the food, but the feeling of it). It was random conversations, laughter and tons of pictures. For dinner I had hot tapas of stuffed roasted piquillo peppers with poached salmon and a salmon salad. It hit the spot!

During dinner Cindy was looking through my camera and bumped into this sequence of pictures from my grad day:

You might recognize the last one from two post ago. But who would have thought that it would take three tries to get Jay to have a "normal" pose. Jay isn't a fan of taking pictures, so will purposely make faces or bunny ears every chance he gets.

Towards the end of the show they have audience participation and naturally my sister who was performing called my up. My lil niece, Lizzy, and Jayla followed me up and we did a little Flamenco. Ole!

It was such a special night!!!

(The guys took their "MySpace" pose and met their picture quota for the night)

(Yup, he is at it again!)

(My niece, Jahnice, and I)

Do you ever have those friends that to them you are very important, sometimes to the point where they tell you that you’re their “best friend,” but you don’t see them in that same light? They call you when they need a shoulder to lean on, a sound board for problems or just to vent. They call you with their good news and you are there for them! However, when it comes to what is going on in your life they are just not there!

I was happy to see a call from a friend and wanted to catch up. I thought maybe they were calling to see how everything is going on with me, how the move is going with Jay, heck maybe, just maybe an update on my graduation or the latest with my doctor appointments, but no they just wanted to update me on the good news in their life and had to go. Time and time again this person cancels on me and is just not there.

I know you are not supposed to have these silly expectations. I’m even one that advocates for not doing something out of obligation, more because you want to and have a genuine feeling behind your actions. I understand we get busy in our lives and at time selfish or self involved that looking up at those around us just doesn’t happen. I know I have been at fault of it too. But I’ve been surprised by those that don’t look at me as their “best friend” or a close friend for that matter and have been there. Not to mention all the really good and close fiends and family that have given me a tremendous support and constant love. Not sure why I even let it bother me, but writing it out helped me get over it and see the positive in my life.

It rained on my parade (literally)

The character gods were testing me yesterday and I failed miserably!

I took the day off yesterday so I could attend graduation practice in the afternoon and make it to graduation early. Although an AA is not a degree that is given at a Cal State or UC, it was still a precious moment to me and I was thrilled to be taking part in the ceremony.

As I got ready for practice, I got a call from my doctor. His voice already told me he didn’t have the best of news for me. He said that my biopsy came back, I didn’t have cancer, but they could not rule it out either. I have Follicular Cells, which I goggled later and its cells in the thyroid, but other website said Follicular cancer is an aggressive cell (which I don’t have, but I am assuming for the time being that the cells can turn to it.) I know, I know… I should have asked while on the phone, but I was too shocked to even think of questions. I have a follow up appointment with him in two weeks, at which time I will ask all the questions that came up after I hung up. Can you think of any thing that I should ask?

I will need to have surgery to remove the two nodules and any others they find when they open me up. When they open me up, if my thyroid glad has cancer, they will remove it completely. After surgery, regardless if they only take the nodules or the entire gland, I will need to take thyroid medication for the rest of my life. I made the appointment to see the surgeon for my consultation which is 3 weeks out.

Hind sight, I would have gone to graduation practice or taken a walk before calling anyone. I was an emotional mess and the first thing I did was call Jay. He didn’t pick up, so I called my Mom. As I started to tell her what the doc said, I burst into an emotionally basket case! Who gives calls like this??? Well, I did. I felt horrible when my Mom emailed me later that her heart was trembling! I called Jay before leaving and was again a mess!
Like they say, bad things come in 3, so there was hit #1 for the day.

So off I went, like I should have to graduation practice. It was bright and sunny when I left for practice, so much so that I worn a tank top, shorts and flip flops. Graduation was being held at my old high school’s tack and field (outdoors) and practice was being held at the very spot I would be seating that night. Right as they started with announcements the wind picked up, the sunny skies became replaces with grey clouds. The rain gods soon started to pour on our practice and we didn’t get to practice our precession. I got home and guess what? My period started a week and half EARLY! It’s as if my body was an emotional mess, too! So that is hit #2 of the 3 bad things that day!

It was eerie after I got home. I spoke to Cindy on the phone and after that it was dead silent! No emails, texts, phone calls... nothing! I was just there at my house working away on schoolwork with the only noise coming from the thunder and rain. Finally, as I was taking off to graduation calls started pouring in. It was one call after another, literally! It’s funny how my mind works, but when it gets that silent and I can’t get a hold of someone, I think God came and I am left alone on earth.

On campus there was the same eerie feeling. There was no one in sight. The parking lot I parked at was completely empty, except for my car. I finally turned the corner in the middle of campus to see life, tons of grads around the cafeteria (a place we were not supposed to meet up at). That’s were I got hit #3 from the 3 bad things of the day… graduation had been cancelled due to the rain. WHAT THE F%&@! At practice they told us if it was raining, that the ceremony would be held at the school gym, but I guess they didn't plan ahead for it.

There was a line to take pictures with the school president and another line to get out commemorative pin and diploma cover. I made the call/texts to everyone with the news, took my picture and got in line for my diploma cover. I was thinking that they would just give us the cover and I would be on my merry way. But noooooo.... Someone had a bright idea to make us actually wait over 30 minutes standing in a crowded cafeteria (cuz the reception was being held there, too) to confirm our diplomas and to hear one of the student speeches (that we couldn't even hear or care about at this point!)

I was in a foul mood. My sister and brother-in-law were still on there way and my Mom later called me and made her way to campus with my niece, too. That made me in a better mood.

While in line my sister and bro-in-las found me and gave me ballons, flowers and a card.

This is what it said…

Remember What is Most Important…
It’s not having everything go right; it’s facing whatever goes wrong.
It’s not being without fear; it’s having the determination to go on in spite of it.
What is most important is not where you stand, but the direction you’re going in.
It’s more than never having bad moments; it’s knowing you are always bigger than the moment.
It’s believing you have already been given everything you need to handle life.
It’s not being able to rid the world of all its injustices; it’s being able to rise above them.
It’s the belief in your heart that there will always be more good than bad in the world.
Remember to live just this one day and not add tomorrow’s troubles to today’s load.
Remember that every day ends and brings a new tomorrow full of exciting new things.
Love what you do, do the best you can, and always remember how much you are loved”

It was exactly was I needed to hear!

Two classmates from chem, Matt & Natalie, came too!

And then I cam home to these two loves!

The night ended good!

My biopsy

Just like I suspected, I was waiting in the waiting room at 3:30PM. I had made such good timing that I made it to the doctor’s office about 30 minutes early, so went into the local Walgreens to kill some time.

Part of the A/C unit was malfunctioning at the doctor’s office, so it was quite warm in the waiting area. Perfect recipe for dozing off. Even the doctor came out to the reception area and asked the medical clerk to call engineering again and at least get some fans going. I dozed off a couple times until my name was called.

My doctor was very thorough and had all my information in the computer. He read me the test results of my ultrasound, blood work and thyroid uptake. Basically my blood work came back normal, except for two of the test. One might be off because I am on birth control pills, the other is just off. Even though most of my tests were normal, they were on the “upper normal levels.” My uptake was normal but the ultrasound shows that I have a new growth nodule since my last ultra sound in 2004 and the previous 1.3cm nodule in 2004 has doubled in size and is a “cold nodule,” which basically means is not functioning as normal tissue and does not absorb iodine. He said it might be a tumor and that is why I am getting the biopsy.

After reviewing my test results they prepped me for the preocedure. I changed into those hospital gowns and the medical assistant came in pulling out 3 syringes with HUGE tubes attached to them! Then there was another tube with liquid in it. The doc came in and explained what he was going to do. They spray this freeze spray that is supposed to numb you, but I still felt some pain and discomfort. The first needle wasn’t too bad. He sticks me; I can’t swallow for 15+ seconds, which makes you want to swallow, so I just held my breath. It looked and sounded like he was twisting something, but I just set my gaze on a poster on the wall after that. The next two needles did hurt! That freeze spray sucks!!!

Afterwards I was iced for 10-15 minutes and then send home. The rest of the night laughing, talking too much and even swallowing was painful at times. I was told that I should get a call with my test results midweek.

Drawers, Bras and a Baby!

Today is my biopsy. At 3:30PM I will be having a needle pierce my throat and take a sample from my thyroid. Who am I kidding; I will be in a waiting room doing just that WAITING! I should get my test result in a few days.

This weekend my sisters and I met up to clean my Dad’s garage at a VERY early time of 7AM, which means I was up about 5:30 to take a shower and eat breakfast. OUCH! Who gets up this early on a Saturday??? I know it’s been almost two years since my Dad's passing, but we have only gone through the garage (with all his sport equipment, tools, business stuff from the early '80's and other misc stuff) once or twice. We threw out 6 garbage cans full of stuff and I took 6 HUGE Banker Boxes to my work to shred. I should have looked in them before taking them because it took almost 2 hours to remove them from manila folders, binders, presentation slips and clips. Luckily, all I had to do was put them in shredder bins instead of shredding everything by hand. We definitely need more time in there cuz we made only a little dent in the ciaos. I spent the rest of the day cleaning my place for the move. I made good progress! Oh and I visited a lil someone. =P

Sunday I did more chores (what a surprise!) and met up with my Mom to go bra shopping. She had bras on her want list from Mother’s Day and since she didn’t get them, I thought I would take her shopping as part of her graduation gift. Yup, my Mom is getting her Masters this month. Go Mom! She got sized for a bra for the first time and we picked out some great bras from Victoria Secret that were styles that she wanted. When she was getting sized the lady said she was borderline C-D. Man, you should’ve seen my Mom’s expression; she was like “no! Oh, no! I am a C. I AM A C-Cup!!!” All I thought was “why wasn’t I blessed with my Mom’s chest and got her hips instead???

Last night Jay and I made our way to IKEA. I think I might have gone once before with Santa like 8 years ago and I don’t recall the inside. I arrived before Jay and thought I would go inside and keep myself busy until he got there. What a mistake. The place is a huge maze and is so big that it has a upstairs and down stairs, a showroom, warehouse setting store, a café AND restaurant. Luckily I only got lost once while in there. Jay treated me to a dresser (thanks my love!!!) and he got the same one, so we will have side-by-side matching “his and hers” Hemnes 6-drawer dresser. We haven't put them together, but they are home.


And to the most exciting part of this weekend… Madison came into the world! Hi Maddy!

This is the "lil someone" that I visited on Saturday!

Am I scared? Or realistic?

It’s been on my mind…

Jay and I were talking about marriage the other night. No there is not a ring on my finger; we were more talking about the subject in general. I am not sure if I want to get married (in general). It’s a BIG step and I am not as carefree as I once was to jump into a commitment that comes with all this legal bumble-jumble. You see, I have been engaged twice and never made it down the aisle. The first guy I was engaged with was my high school boyfriend of 7+ years and the other was my most recent ex of 4 years. Break ups are never fun and I can’t imagine if I had been married to either men the whole divorce ordeal.

When I think about getting married I like the security of having someone and knowing they want to build life together with me. I don’t like the cost of a wedding/honeymoon, the possibility of divorce and if they pass away I inherit their debit or vice versa.

Jay wanted to really understand why women think it’s a bigger deal (in general) to get married. I gave him my reasons above, but didn’t have any profound reason.

Last night while picking up some kid toothpaste for Jayla, I bumped into my sister (who is married) at the store and asked her. She said it in Spanish (which gives it a beautiful, romantic tone) that a man asking a women to be “his wife” is like placing her on a higher level and giving her the honor, respect and distinction that she deserves in his heart and to the world. She said don’t get me wrong, it’s a challenge and sometimes “I want to give my husband away,” but it’s also something you look forward each and every day.

Maybe I am just scared or over thinking it too much. Or is this something you can really over think?

So what’s your thoughts on any of it? Why women want to get married more then men? What’s the point in doing so?